Posts tagged James Bond
“This Means War” Has Four Ridiculous Endings
0February 27, 2012
“Four Ridiculous Endings”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
This Means War starts off with an excessive beginning like a typical James Bond movie and then quickly turns into a romantic comedy with two men trying to woo the same woman, except that in this case the two men are agents for the CIA.
The woman is Lauren Scott, played by Reese Witherspoon, and when she meets her old boyfriend on the street with his fiancee, she lies to them about her own boyfriend, even though she doesn’t have one.
However, when she tells her friend Trish, played by Chelsea Handler, about her encounter, Lauren says, “I’m going out. I’m dating. I’m meeting friends.”
Meanwhile, the two agents have been grounded by their superior for botching the mission that we saw at the beginning of the movie, and out of boredom, they both sign up for an online dating service.
One is FDR Foster, played by Chris Pine, and the other is Tuck, played by Tom Hardy, and not only are they partners, but they are also best friends.
Well, you can guess it. Trish signs Lauren up for the same dating service without Lauren knowing it, and FDR and Tuck eventually discover that they have both picked Lauren as the woman they would like to get romantically involved with and start dating to see where it leads.
When they find out that they are both dating the same woman, even though they make a gentlemen’s agreement to let the better man win, with all the resources of the CIA at hand, what do you think they will do to interfere with the other one’s chances?
And so we see FDR and Tuck date Lauren and watch the shenanigans that they both pull with supposedly spy equipment and expertise, and we are supposed to believe that the events could actually happen and that they are supposed to be funny.
This is where the movie starts to get really ridiculous.
And, of course, there is still some unfinished business from the botched mission at the beginning of the movie that keeps interfering with the romantic-comedy half of the story.
In other words, there are no surprises in this movie.
There is, however, a ridiculous ending.
No, make that two ridiculous endings.
No, make that three ridiculous endings.
This Means War is a no-surprises movie with four ridiculous endings.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
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“Johnny English Reborn” Inspector Clouseau As a Bumbling Bond
0October 27, 2011
“Inspector Clouseau As a Bumbling Bond”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Johnny English Reborn is a sequel we could have done without to a movie I had never even heard of, the 2003 Johnny English.
Again starring Rowan Atkinson as the title character in what was intended to be a spoof of the James Bond movies, this movie is so bad that it needs to be put at the top of the list of a whole new category: “Movies I Never Want to Hear About Again, Much Less See in the First Place.”
This so-called comedy is so bad that it caused only one chuckle from the entire audience, and that was from the only other person in the auditorium with me at the first showing on the opening day of its release.
This movie is so bad that it gives a whole new meaning to “piece of crap.”
This movie is so bad that the rest of this review could consist entirely of sentences beginning with that phrase.
On the other hand, according to a story in the Los Angeles Times, this same movie “is a hit overseas,” which just goes to show you that there is no accounting for taste.
Atkinson plays British spy Johnny English, who five years earlier was the top agent for MI7, but then he was in charge of security for an incident in Mozambique, things went badly, and now just the mention of “Mozambique” causes his right eye to twitch uncontrollably.
Johnny claims that he was only partly at fault, but when the movie opens, he is in Tibet, where he went to forget his shame and study martial arts with Tibetan monks.
However, MI7 wants him back for a special mission, although he is told that guns, fast cars, and chauvinism are on their way out in the modern world of international spying.
In Tibet, Johnny was told, “You are not young, but with age comes wisdom,” and he gets a chance to prove that in his new assignment.
He gets a chance to prove it, but of course he doesn’t in a movie that is just one sight gag and bad joke after another.
The late, great Peter Sellers could have made this movie much better with his Inspector Clouseau character, but Atkinson is no Sellers.
Johnny English Reborn is a poor man’s Inspector Clouseau as a bumbling James Bond.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
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“Hanna” Bad Premise, Worse Execution
0May 27, 2011
(“Bad Premise, Worse Execution”)
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Hanna is one of those movies whose filmmakers believe they are being clever by making the movie come full circle from beginning to end, just as they must have believed they could make the story more interesting by omitting important details.
And the premise is so simple that the one-sentence pitch to studio executives could easily have been “Sixteen-year-old girl as James Bond.”
Then just to turn the story on its head even more, the Bad Guys in this movie are usually the Good Guys in a James Bond film.
Hanna is played by Saoirse Ronan, who received an Academy Award nomination for her portrayal of the “evil sister” in the 2007 Atonement.
When we first see Hanna, she is living with her father, played by Eric Bana, in a cabin in the wilds of northern Finland, where they have been living for 15 years and he is training her for some sort of life-or-death mission.
In fact, he tells her, “She won’t stop until you’re dead. Or she is.”
“She” is Marissa Wiebling, played by Cate Blanchett using a Texas accent that is so phony it is laughable, and Hanna’s father and Marissa have a history that we get only a glimpse of in one flashback.
We eventually learn that Hanna’s father used to be a CIA agent until something went wrong, and that is why he and Hanna are hiding out in northern Finland, because Marissa and her fellow CIA agents are still searching for them.
However, when Hanna believes she is ready, she activates a signal that identifies her location to Marissa, and Hanna’s father then takes off after confirming with Hanna where they will meet in Berlin.
So, Hanna is captured, and then the movie gets even more ridiculous.
Hanna escapes from Marissa in a gruesome and unbelievable scene, but she discovers that she is in Morocco, and she must somehow get to Berlin without any money.
In other words, the movie becomes an absurd chase movie.
As a matter of fact, the movie goes from the ridiculous to the even more ridiculous and then to be so ridiculous that it is laughable and finally forgettable.
The premise is bad, and the execution is worse.
Hanna is a quite elaborate rendition of a simple story made more complicated by the omission of significant details.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
