Sex Tape “As Promised”

SEX TAPE is a movie that resembles its title: lots of skin and boring story.

Now, be honest: Have you ever watched a “porno” that had a good story? The answer has got to be “no,” because the whole point of a porno is to see the naked bodies and the acts of copulation themselves.

In other words, if you want a story, read a good book.

If you want to see the naked bodies of Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel pretending to have sex, recording it for their own amusement, and then spending the rest of the movie trying to recover all the copies that accidentally got released up into the “Cloud,” then go ahead and see this movie, but prepare to be as bored as anyone is who actually watches a porno film.

Incidentally, the truest line in the movie and perhaps even the funniest is when Jay says to Annie, “Nobody understands the Cloud!” in his frustration when he can’t easily retrieve the copies that have been sent there.

However, most of the movie consists of their attempts to obtain the tablets that they gave to people, not realizing that a copy of their video is on each tablet.

One of those tablets was given to Hank, played by Rob Lowe, who might become Annie’s new boss, and they show up late at night at Hank’s front door, pretending to be collecting money for a charity, and the plan is for Annie to distract Hank while Jay goes searching through Hank’s house looking for the tablet.

Remember that tired old line, “That was so funny, I forgot to laugh,” which is said after a joke or a situation that wasn’t funny? That applies to this subplot, too.

There is another subplot involving somebody texting Jay who claims to have a copy of the video and threatens to blackmail Jay for $25,000 or else the video will go public.

Now, I can’t prove the reason for this, but are you as surprised as I am whenever a relatively known actor in a relatively important part in a movie doesn’t get listed in the credits?

Such is the case here with the actor sho plays the owner of a porn site who tells Jay and Annie, “There’s no shortage of sex tapes.”

SEX TAPE proves that.

I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”