Dan Culberson
Dan Culberson is an author, TV performer, editor and publisher who has been writing about culture, politics and religion since 1994. He was graduated Phi Beta Kappa with a B.A. in English literature in the Honors Program from the University of Colorado and was president of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity. He was born in Carmel, CA, but grew up all over the U.S. and Europe, living in Monterey, CA: Medford, OR; Lawton, OK (twice); Pampa, TX; Minot, ND; El Paso, TX; Tacoma, WA; Kennewick, WA; Erlangen, Germany; Lebanon, MO; Colorado Springs, CO (where he attended high school); Boulder, CO (where he attended college and now lives); and Heidelberg while serving in the U.S. Army and Sindelfingen, Germany while on assignment for IBM. He served three years in the U.S. Army, retired from IBM after 25 years with a career in publications and is a writer, editor and publisher who came of age in the Sixties, which he remembers quite well. He was named a Boulder Pacesetter in 1985 by the BOULDER DAILY CAMERA in the first year of that program and was a film reviewer from 1972 to 2014 for newspapers, magazines, radio stations and TV programs.
Homepage: http://c1n.tv
Posts by Dan Culberson
“30 Minutes or Less” Dueling Pairs of Idiots
Aug 17th
“Dueling Pairs of Idiots”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
30 Minutes or Less is a comedy about an elaborate plot to rob a bank to pay a hitman to kill the father of one of the characters, so that he can inherit his father’s lottery winnings.
What could go wrong, right?
Well, practically everything, considering that one pair of idiots hatches the plot and gets another pair of idiots to carry it out for them.
When the movie opens, we meet Nick, played by Jesse Eisenberg. He delivers pizzas in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for Vito’s Pizza, whose slogan is the title of the movie. If you order a pizza and it isn’t delivered in 30 minutes or less, then the pizza is free.
So, Nick is dashing through the street in his own beat-up car to make a delivery to two teenage boys, and he is rushing, because if he doesn’t make the delivery in time, then the cost of the pizza comes out of his own wages.
Well, the teenagers have pulled a con on Nick to get a free pizza, but then Nick pulls an even better con on the teenagers to get his money and a tip, too.
Then we meet Dwayne, played by Danny McBride, and his buddy Travis, played by Nick Swardson. They spend the day watching movies and playing video games in the house owned by Dwayne’s father, The Major, played by Fred Ward.
The Major, who is extremely unpleasant, is a retired Marine who won $10 million in a lottery, and when he asks Dwayne and Travis what they do, they say hesitatingly, “We’re business partners.”
They also blow up watermelons for fun, and Dwayne gets an idea for how to make their lives even easier: kill The Major and inherit his home and money.
Naturally, they aren’t capable of doing it themselves, and so after finding a hitman, now they have to come up with $100,000 in order to pay him.
So, putting their watermelon skills to bad use, they kidnap Nick on a false pizza-delivery run, strap explosives to his body, and tell him that he has to rob a bank for them or they will blow him up.
In a panic, Nick gets his roommate to help him, who is played by Aziz Ansari.
30 Minutes or Less is a study in dueling pairs of idiots.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
“Bad Teacher” Worse Writers
Jul 29th
“Worse Writers”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Bad Teacher stars Cameron Diaz in the title role, because otherwise who would want to see a movie about a bad teacher?
Teachers are supposed to be good. Teachers are supposed to be helpful. Teachers are supposed to be able to teach difficult subjects to recalcitrant students.
And if you don’t know what “recalcitrant” means, then you just might have been one.
Diaz plays Elizabeth Halsey, a seventh-grade teacher at John Adams Middle School, and when the movie begins, it is the last day of school and she is being honored by the principal after having taught only one year.
Elizabeth is given a $37 gift certificate as a bonus, which doesn’t say as much about her teaching abilities as it does about the sad economic state of the education system in general.
Elizabeth tells her colleagues that she doesn’t need a blackboard or a classroom to set an example, but Elizabeth doesn’t plan to return in the fall to teach a second year at the school. She plans to marry her wealthy fiance and be taken care of for the rest of her life.
However, when Elizabeth goes home that day, her plans change completely, and three months later she is back at school to teach another year.
Well, “teach” is such a loaded word. Let’s just call it sitting at the front of her classroom and planning how she is going to pay for the boob job she believes will land her a rich husband.
In fact, Elizabeth starts showing movies about teachers instead of doing any teaching herself, and when the principal questions her teaching-by-movies technique, Elizabeth says, “I think that movies are the new books.”
Then when Justin Timberlake shows up at the school as Scott Delacorte, the new substitute teacher, Elizabeth learns that he is independently wealthy, and so she schemes to snag him as her sugar daddy, but nerdy Scott has hie eye on another teacher whom Elizabeth doesn’t get along with.
Now, of course there is a scene at a fund-raising car wash in which Elizabeth shows off her body that is like many other movies before this one, of course there is a major plot to get money that backfires, and of course there is a kind gym teacher attracted to Elizabeth whom she rejects.
Bad Teacher has worse writers.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
“Friends with Benefits” Game, Set, and Match
Jul 28th
“Game, Set, and Match”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Friends with Benefits is a romantic comedy that tries to be an unromantic comedy just because of the title.
The title, of course, means two friends who have sex with each other, but without any romantic feelings, and if you believe that is possible, there is still a bridge in Brooklyn and swampland in Louisiana someone would be willing to sell you.
Justin Timberlake stars as Dylan Harper, and Mila Kunis stars as Jamie, the two friends who try to make the title work, and I don’t think I’m giving anything away by telling you that this sort of sexual arrangement is doomed from the start.
When the movie begins, Dylan and Jamie don’t even know each other, and they both go through a breakup with someone that leaves them disillusioned about romance.
In fact, they both use a variation of the same line of “I’m just going to shut myself down emotionally, like George Clooney.”
And this is just one of way too many references to popular culture, movies, and television shows the writers thought were going to be funny, clever, or enlightening to the audience instead of being annoying and distracting to me.
Dylan and Jamie meet “awkward” instead of meet “cute” at a New York airport when she greets him on his arrival from Los Angeles for a job interview.
You see, Jamie is a corporate recruiter, or “head hunter,” and she found Dylan, who is a graphic designer in Los Angeles, and got him an interview to be the art director for a magazine in New York.
Dylan likes the open spaces of Los Angeles and doesn’t really want the job, but he gets it anyway, and then Jamie works at selling Dylan on New York City, because if he quits or gets fired before a year is up, Jamie doesn’t get her bonus for finding Dylan.
After they become friends, they discuss sex, and they decide that two people should be able to have sex like they’re playing a game of tennis, and so they decide to have sex, but without any emotions.
Now, if you have ever played tennis, you know that players do get emotional about it, and the very first score of every game is love-love.
Friends with Benefits is game, set, and match and not worth the effort.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
