Hotshots Movie Reviews
Hotshots Movie Reviews by Dan Culberson
“Snow White and the Huntsman” an Expensive Piece of Nothing
Jun 9th
“Expensive Piece of Nothing”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Snow White and the Huntsman is the second movie about Snow White to come out in two months, and the title indicates that Hollywood is running out of variations on how to make each one different.
Instead, the filmmakers should be concerned about how to make each one better, because this one isn’t.
This time, the evil Queen is played by Charlize Theron, and she even gets a name, Ravenna.
The Huntsman is played by Chris Hemsworth, whom you will recognize as the actor playing Thor in some other action movies, but he doesn’t get a name, just a back story.
And the grownup Snow White is played by Kristen Stewart, whom you will recognize from a lot of other movies.
Once again, we see how it all began, and after Ravenna becomes the stepmother of young Snow White, Ravenna tells her, “I could never take your mother’s place.”
And once again, Snow White is placed in prison by the Queen, high up in the north tower of the castle.
My comment was “Boring!” even before the movie got one-third of the way through.
So, the variation this time is not that the Queen has the Huntsman take Snow White out into the woods to kill her, but Snow White escapes from the castle and the Queen has the Huntsman go into the woods to find Snow White and bring her back.
Now, Charlize Theron chews the scenery as Ravenna, the evil Queen, and that is not easy to do when the scenery is made out of stone walls.
By this time the movie has become a swords and sorcery story, and the woods contain all sorts of menacing things and even a monster.
Finally! About two-thirds of the way through, the dwarfs show up, but right away you notice that there is something strange about them, and the camera doesn’t stay on all of them long enough for you to count them.
Sure enough, you were right, and later in the story an explanation solves the mystery.
Another weird thing about the dwarfs, however, is that you get the nagging feeling that when they are shown in closeup, you think that you recognize the actors playing them, but those actors aren’t actual little people.
Snow White and the Huntsman is an expensive piece of a nothing movie.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
“Chernobyl Diaries” or, Attack of the Chernobyl Zombies
Jun 2nd
“Attack of the Chernobyl Zombies”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
Chernobyl Diaries is a horror movie that takes place at the site of the 1985 Chernobyl disaster of the meltdown of the nuclear reactor.
And of all the horror movies that take place at the site of a nuclear meltdown, this is one of them.
Would you be surprised if I told you that there were six young people involved in the story?
Paul is an American living in Russia after having had some sort of falling out with his family.
Chris is Paul’s brother, who is traveling in Russia to visit Paul, and with him are Chris’s girlfriend Natalie and Natalie’s best friend, Amanda.
And then there are Michael and Zoe, who are tourists from Australia, and who join the group when Paul arranges an “extreme tour” for him and the others to take.
Paul knows a former Russian soldier named Uri, who is now an extreme tour guide, and Uri is going to take the six young people to visit the abandoned city of Pripyat, which used to be the home of the workers at Chernobyl and their families before the nuclear disaster.
Regarding the abandoned city, Uri tells his clients, “Nature has reclaimed its rightful home.”
Would you be surprised if I told you that the abandoned city is not totally abandoned?
After being turned back at the official checkpoint entrance to the city, Uri drives his van and its passengers around the back to his special entrance.
Uri says that the radiation levels are low enough to be safe now, and besides, they are going to spend only one day inside the city.
Would you be surprised if I told you that they end up spending more than one day there?
Okay, they hear a scary noise inside one of the abandoned buildings, and they see something that Uri says he has never seen before on his previous trips to Pripyat.
Now, would you be surprised if I told you that when they get back to Uri’s van to leave that it won’t start?
Would you be surprised if I told you that when darkness falls, bad things start to happen to seven people one by one?
Chernobyl Diaries could have been called “Attack of the Chernobyl Zombies,” and I’m not surprised that I didn’t find it scary and I didn’t like it, either.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
“The Dictator” a One-Joke Movie
May 26th
“One-Joke Movie”
“Hotshots” looks at a movie!
The Dictator is Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest film and is not to be confused with the 1940 Charles Chaplin film, The Great Dictator, nor any of the many other films based on Mark Twain’s 1881 story, “The Prince and the Pauper.”
Yes, the story is about a leader of a country who tries to pass himself off as a commoner, either by choice or force, and in this case, force.
Admiral General Aladeen is the dictator of the North African nation of Wadiya, and he has the extravagantly long beard to prove it. He is also so egotistical that he changes the names of many words to “Aladeen” to honor his glory.
He is also so stupid that he doesn’t see the problem in changing the Wadiyan words of both “positive” and “negative” to “Aladeen,” especially when a doctor asks his patient, “Do you want the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?”
Ben Kingsley plays Tamir, Admiral General Aladeen’s second in command, and your first question should be “What is Academy Award winner Ben Kingsley doing in this piece of crap movie?
Apparently, just as there are no small parts, only small actors, there are no big actors who aren’t willing to prostitute themselves for a small paycheck.
Tamir finds a double for Admiral General Aladeen whose only real job is to be shot in the head, because the people of Wadiya want to live in a democracy, not a dictatorship.
The job requirement for being the double of Admiral General Aladeen is to be stupid, and because Cohen also plays the role of the double, he can act even more stupid than he usually does.
Of course, the story moves to New York City, where Admiral General Aladeen is to give a speech at the United Nations, of course there is a kidnaping plot, of course the admiral general’s beard is cut off while he is being tortured, of course he escapes the kidnaper, and of course the rest of the movie is about the beardless Aladeen trying to exist on his own in New York City.
However, not of course, the movie takes a turn of events when Aladeen meets Zoe, a radical socialist played by Anna Faris, and he takes a job working for her.
The Dictator is a one-joke movie worth two chuckles, tops.
I’m Dan Culberson and this is “Hotshots.”
