“Pirates Be for You ‘n’ Me”

“Hotshots” looks at a movie!

Arrrghhh! Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides be the fourth movie about pirates in the Caribbean Ocean, an’ if ye be askin’ yourself how can it be better than the first three, the answer is it’s not, but it be just as good as the third one, which be better than the second one, which be better than the first one, goin’ all the way back to 2003.

Arrrghhh! An’ as sure as there be fish in the ocean and stars in the sky, there already be talk of a fifth movie in the works starring Johnny Depp as the lovable rap-scal-lion Cap’n Jack Sparrow.

Arrrghhh! Surely ye be hearin’ that some re-cur-ring characters in the first three movies be gone, but others be remaining, such as Geoffrey Rush as Cap’n Hector Barbossa, an’ there be good-as-gold-tooth new characters, such as Ian McShane as Cap’n Blackbeard an’ Penelope Cruz as Blackbeard’s daughter, Angelica, easy on the eyes and who can buckle her swash, fight with a sword, an’ do a double-cross with the best of ’em.

Arrrghhh! Now, the main story be about a race to be the first to find the fabled Fountain o’ Youth, but the beginning o’ the movie has a dramatic, comical, and prolonged sequence in London of an escape that doesn’t advance the story any, an’ seems to exist only to introduce Jack’s father, Cap’n Teague, as played once again by Keith Richards in a brief cameo.

Arrrghhh! But once we get onto the high seas, Cap’n Jack finds hi’self shanghaied on the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of Cap’n Blackbeard, whom Jack at one time calls “Mr. Beard.”

Arrrghhh! An’ the first mate o’ the ship be Angelica herself, who has a history wi’ Cap’n Jack, an’ I don’t mean just when she was im-per-son-a-tin’ him to get a crew together.

Arrrghhh! They be searchin’ for the Fountain o’ Youth, the British be searchin’ under the command o’ ol’ Cap’n Barbossa, and the Spanish also be havin’ an army in the race.

Arrrghhh! An’ one par-ti-cu-lar aspect o’ the story be the presence of beautiful mermaids, whose tears are needed to activate the Fountain, as it were.

Arrrghhh! Pirates of the Cribbean: On Stranger Tides proves that pirates be for you and me.

As sure as my name be Dan Culberson and as sure as this be “Hotshots.”